Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
