He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
