Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
