I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
