The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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