Your dad touched me again.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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