they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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