I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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