Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
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You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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