I wannas sexs uuuuu
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
