Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
