Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
