So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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