No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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