We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
