I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
