If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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