You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
