Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize