I am in a vortex of obligation.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
