I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
