I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
