I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
