I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
