I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
