its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
