Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
ok first of all what the fuck
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
