Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
