Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
