Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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