I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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