I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
