My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
