She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
