btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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