Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
