Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
