I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
