you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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