I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
