No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
