The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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