im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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