FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
