I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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