Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
