i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
