I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
