one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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