You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
