Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
