does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize