in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
