5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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