I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
