i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
nutella sex= disaster
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
