it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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