You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
