I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
