Kiss
Puke
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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