Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
