Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
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Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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