so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
