FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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