you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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