I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
