you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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