Just fell off a train. Bad.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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