I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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