my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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