I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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