Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
