Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
