Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
