Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize