He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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