do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
